Giving up

I decided to give up procrastinating for Lent.

Gabrielle kindly posted comments here, and suggested that I'm afraid. She's right. Every time I go to write, I'm consumed with doubts and nagging fears that whatever I do won't be good enough.

I'm a person of faith, and yet when it comes to something like this, something I really want to achieve, I have never turned to God for the answer. Suddenly I realized how simple it is to give up something that doesn't benefit me and has the potential to paralyze me. So, for Lent, I'm giving up giving up.

I could never seem to get past what all the 'real' writers say -- "Just write." They tell you not to care what a first draft is like, just get it down and edit later. Why that seemed so foreign to me, I'm not sure, but now that I've decided to try it, I understand.

While I would never consider myself a perfectionist, failing has always seemed worse than not trying. But if I don't try, I can't succeed.

So, as difficult as it might be, tonight on this first night of Lent, I'm abandoning doubt and hesitation. I'm letting go of putting off.

When I sit down in front of a computer, writing will be my first priority. I will set targets and stick to them.

I have 40 days. If I can write five pages a day, that would be 200 pages. It's aiming high, but it's a lot better than not aiming at all.